


Miss Possibelf

by WarriorBeeoftheSea



Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [10]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Coming Out, DEC 04 - Side Characters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21664801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorBeeoftheSea/pseuds/WarriorBeeoftheSea
Summary: "She’s much more likely to notice if you’re feeling sick or miserable, or if your thumb is hanging on by a thread."
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557757
Comments: 9
Kudos: 134
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	Miss Possibelf

Having an inhumanly perceptive level of empathy  _ and _ working with teenagers is a challenge.

The hardest part is not letting on that I know what they’re feeling. I try to be a caring, attentive teacher, but Crowley knows they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they found out the Dean of Students was a real, honest to snakes  _ empath. _

The second hardest part is the teenage feelings themselves. Sometimes when I’m about to begin a lesson, I have to step out into the hallway to take a deep breath just to get through it all. Anger. Fear. Jealousy. Shame. Giddiness. Love. Infatuation. Oh my, so much  _ infatuation. _ I dare say I know who my students fancy before they do.

I can also tell who’s been sneaking into whose dormitory at night. It’s a lot to turn a blind eye to, but I’ve often said (outside of the earshot of the students, of course), that it’s good for teenagers to make trouble. At least a little bit. So I make sure to replenish the infirmary’s stash of prophylactics and let the kids think they’re pulling one over on us.

They are pulling one over on the Mage, at least. As Dean of Students, it’s my job to discipline wrongdoers, and for the most part he leaves me to do that. And if I don’t tell him about every rule infraction I’m aware of, who’s to say that’s a problem? (Also, he definitely doesn’t know about the condoms. For a “Great Reformer” he certainly does have old fashioned ideas about what the students do after lights out.)

Sometimes I find out about ways that a student is struggling, and I do my best to fill their path with help and support. In a few cases I’ve had to directly intervene, but I try to save that for extreme cases.  _ I’ve noticed the scars on your arms _ isn’t a move I like to employ when I can help it, but sometimes there’s no other way.

I’ve watched more kids come out to themselves than you might expect. These are the ones I most want to reach out to. But I stay back, and watch them sort themselves out. I try not to intervene. But it’s hard not to. Their pain and confusion are so  _ visceral. _ I want to put an arm around them and say  _ I promise this pain is going to give way to such beauty and love. _

Sometimes I get to watch that happen. I knew Basilton Pitch was struggling before I think he even knew. The confusion, and alienated feeling that he brought to my class everyday. (Of course I know he’s a vampire. How could you have this power and not notice the hunger for blood in one of your students?) I could feel him eyeing his classmates, sizing them up, trying to see who might stir feelings of affection, of infatuation in him. The disappointment when he couldn’t control who his heart sped up for.

I remember the day he made peace with it. And I've watched him fall in love with Simon Snow. Painful, heartbreaking love. Love that he was certain was destined to be unrequited.

There’s so much pain permeating every part of Simon, but I can find the feelings at his core. I’ve had practice. Which is how I know that Basilton’s hopeless love isn’t  _ completely _ hopeless. 

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly based this on a conversation I had at 25 with my favorite teacher from high school. She told me she'd wished I'd gotten in more trouble as a kid, and she was not at all surprised when I came out to her.


End file.
